


Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Yukhei’s Butt is the Squishiest of Them All

by xiaoyangdery



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, M/M, drunk typing, drunk!Renjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:34:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23444068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xiaoyangdery/pseuds/xiaoyangdery
Summary: Being drunk plus Renjun’s fascination with Yukhei’s butt may or may not go well together. In this essay, Communication Arts major Huang Renjun will—Or,Drunk Renjun types a 600-word essay about his boyfriend's butt.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas
Comments: 18
Kudos: 137





	Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Yukhei’s Butt is the Squishiest of Them All

**Author's Note:**

> can you guys believe I was iin the middle of reading a John Grisham novel and then suddenly Katy Perry's TGIF played in my mind and then I had the urge to write this shit?
> 
> yeah

Donghyuck’s fascination with Katy Perry’s discography is quite alarming, to say the least. But if Renjun were to be honest, he is more concerned about the way his apartment looks on a Saturday morning: bottles of different flavored soju and soda occupy more than half of his centre table, half of Jeno’s body falling off of the couch, Jaemin’s indecency with an exposed chest and poorly drawn sunflower petals around his nipples.

Renjun hopes it wasn’t him that drew that monstrosity.

But onto other pressing matters, Renjun also cannot fathom _why_ Donghyuck is using Jaemin’s curtain rod as a makeshift microphone, ~~grinding~~ dancing sensually while Katy Perry’s _Last Friday Night (TGIF)_ blasts from the Bluetooth speaker perched beside Renjun’s laptop on the four-seater dining table.

“For fucks sake,” Renjun wheezes, throat dry, “turn the fucking volume down, Hyuck.”

Said boy all but winks at him with a cackle, opting to shriek the lyrics instead.

In all honestly, Donghyuck has a golden voice, which is also the reason why he is in performing arts. But on the other hand, Renjun thinks his friend is no different from a screaming banshee as of the moment.

“LAST FRIDAY NIGHT, YEAH WE DANCED ON TABLETOPS, AND WE TOOK TOO MANY SHOTS—oof!”

Jaemin, in his _just-woke-up_ face and eyes that begs for sleep and scream murder, throws a shoe at their banshee-like friend, not caring that the left pair of his worn out black Vans hit Donghyuck at the crotch.

Renjun reckons it doesn’t hurt that much because the throw was quite weak given that they just woke up, and that Donghyuck is just exaggerating with the way he’s threatening to kill Jaemin with his colorful vocabulary, but hey, Renjun doesn’t want to risk it.

With a sigh, Renjun goes to the kitchen and makes a pot of coffee for his friends while making a cup of tea for himself. His stomach begs for food, but he can’t bear to eat anything just yet.

“Oh, Renjuuuuun~” Donghyuck calls from the living room. “Jeno’s awake and I have some news to share~”

With a groan, Renjun drags his feet back to the living room, where he finds Jeno awake but on the verge falling back asleep, Jaemin tracing the ‘sunflower’ on his own chest, and Donghyuck with an evil smile.

He plops beside Jeno with a groan, and the other lets out on of his own from being disturbed, but makes no comment, instead turning his attention to their dramatic tan-skinned friend.

“So, Renjun,” Donghyuck starts with the same evil smile. “What do you remember from last night?”

_What a weird question._

Last night, Friday marks the end of their final exams, and hence, their semester, so the four of them decided to celebrate with alcohol and junk food within the comfort of their shared apartment.

Renjun’s mind reels back to what happened the night prior, racking his brain for anything interesting that happened.

“Jeno and Jaemin bought the alcohol and chips, then we ordered pizza and chicken, then we had a movie marathon… Moana, Frozen, Lion King, and then Marvel movies. Uhh, what else?” Renjun scratches his head. “Oh yeah, I remember Jaemin eating the fire noodles raw and dipping it in the sauce then crying because it was too spicy, then drinking milk, then crying because he just had dairy, then running to the bathroom.”

Jaemin makes a scandalized face, as if not believing a word Renjun just said, before finding the others nodding at him.

“Uh-huh. Anything else?’

“Anything else? I mean we drank a lot. We drank some more, then watched movies although we probably can’t remember anything about the latter movies we watched.”

“Renjun was gushing about Chris Evans’ ass in the Captain America suit,” Jeno croaks, taking Renjun’s cup and making a disgusted face at the taste of the bitter tea.

“That’s right!” Donghyuck cackles. “And you know who else’s ass Renjun talked about?”

And then Renjun understood.

“Oh no,” Renjun moans, closing his eyes. Memories of the prior night came flooding, albeit a little hazy. “Oh, no…”

“Oh, yes!” Donghyuck says, finding elation at his friend’s misery and embarrassment.

“Oh, no, no, no, nononononono,” Renjun repeats, close to crying. “Donghyuck, please tell me I did not send Yukhei an essay about his butt!”

“Oh, Renjun,” Donghyucks pats his knee with fake sympathy. “You’re my friend, and I dare not lie to you. You did, in fact, send Yukhei an essay about how much you love his butt. In fact, it was Times New Roman, font size twelve, 600 words, 1.5 line spacing with an inch margin on both sides.”

_Well fuck._

“And you know what’s better?”

_Fuck, there’s more?_

“Subject: I love XUxi butt essay **;** Recipient: Wong Yukhei yukhei.wong@gmail.com; cc: Hendery Wong hen.wong@gmail.com.”

 _Well, fuckity fuck,_ Renjun thinks, _I just sent my boyfriend an essay about his butt, but for why did I have to send it to his brother as well?_

\--

Hendery has always been a fan of slapstick humor, but _this_ , this email he got from his brother’s boyfriend is a whole another level of comedy.

Yukhei doesn’t share the same sentiments as his brother though, finding the whole situation cute. He imagines Renjun from last night, all drunk and probably all red and giggly, conjuring the words to type. There’s a lot of gibberish lines, and despite the document saying that there are 667 words in it after he hits the ‘Enable Editing’ mode, only a few lines actually makes sense and majority are simple keyboard smashes.

He thinks it’s adorable that Renjun, in all his drunken glory, managed to ‘cite credible sources’, which consists of Yukhei’s and Renjun’s own Instagram accounts, and a celebrity gossip column about _America’s Ass_. As if it wasn’t enough, he also included a quote from Hendery, which he is sure his brother would never say unless held at gunpoint.

With a smile, he rereads the document again.

**_Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Yukhei’s Butt is the Squishiest of Them All_ **

_By: Huang Renjun_

_Xuxi is squishy. Ooh, it rhymes! My boyfriend Xuxi is squishy tho he has hard muscles like biceps and triceps and he has abs and wow his chest is so nice but his butt is squishy. I like to poke his butt. It’s squishy like a stress ball…sdhbjas ushcjKKOSJVFS AAHSipkhvhds jydefjadn hhyuxskcbsss jdhyuefrjdahsd._

_Xuxi is my boyfriend. I rlly rlly raelly rally like hum. He’s is tall and warm and he;s is also like an energized puppy but like german shepherd and husky and I love his cuddles. He should cuddle me ryt now bc I miss hom._

_We are watching captain America and wow chris evans has a nice butt. but I think butt of xuxi is nicer. Like a plush hamburger. Like sourdough bread. No I don’t like sourdough bread it is hard bread I like soft bread like beeyotch._

_No like yellow bread with eggs and milk_

_Broihce_

_Brionche_

_Beyonce_

_Brioche_

_Yes brioche hehehe_

_Dafddcdv fbhfgvfd sddjfms dcjskmd jfjvcz shdvhf chskdhdsmxd n hbsvghjzvhjkjb cghjkj dxjhgavbwsdcox qwpeoirgf pojh poig sdfg lkjhasdf ;lkjhs ;lkjhg asdfg mnbv rtghnm oijhgc zcxdvfhjg. Sfvbixjdkbvzlsmdnv dhd c kdcv gddded asdffhnhdvzd cvfxncb csvdfvnzmnC hdsbja sfhsjc hgfis ueftujefoskd jfjkjgvsokdfn hjisdfj wrer ertf dwerfe rgasdcdvg ddfsgs dsdgfmjjnchfgh/bdght_

_A b c d e f g h I j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z._

_A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z?._

_Hsicxns hfks gjhos gotnsw fdkgkemx rkalff rekswoxbrf tddc rakidng rksasofc flsifcba fidbad ogbvm sehns fkgjb difbs godb sjsl gfkisolwjebf 42qsuoeda wefifgios slalskfj ewjalxdb fmaldo fn wsmc dko ejsgrt kdxoa dloeht aosnvja fukfa ccuj fvkn du duw 13r wrfoda f q wsdijbvk fcsjbf usvm_

_sacb d_

_bcdhiacsnc sdjfbhaksmd vjndfhvokamfc sdvnifvgs cdhfs gatel tuiode wrtyu qwer tyu io asd fgh jk zxc vbn m_

_according to celebrity gossips twitter account, many are thirsting from chris evans ass as a photo of him from behinf circulares onlime. He is wearing his captain amurica costume and his butt looks nice. Bloo looks good on xuxi. He always looks goof_

_wait_

_goof_

_good_

_good but also goof I love xuxi hehehe_

_he really looks good look at his instagerm account Instagram slash yukheiwong then follow my also Instagram slash renjunwong_

_no wait renjun huang_

_huang yes_

_I like to post art and my dates with xuxi and also xuxi I love xuxi I love yukhei I love lucas_

_I also thunk hnedery thonks xuxi’s butt look good. Hendry is xuxi brother_

_To quote ehnry he said “Yukhei ass is bomb”_

_Im not sure_

_I think he said it._

_Dafddcdv fbhfgvfd sddjfms dcjskmd jfjvcz shdvhf chskdhdsmxd n hbsvghjzvhjkjb cghjkj dxjhgavbwsdcox qwpeoirgf pojh poig sdfg lkjhasdf ;lkjhs ;lkjhg asdfg mnbv rtghnm oijhgc zcxdvfhjg. Sfvbixjdkbvzlsmdnv dhd c kdcv gddded asdffhnhdvzd cvfxncb csvdfvnzmnC hdsbja sfhsjc hgfis ueftujefoskd jfjkjgvsokdfn hjisdfj wrer ertf dwerfe rgasdcdvg ddfsgs dsdgfmjjnchfgh/bdght_

_Hsicxns hfks gjhos gotnsw fdkgkemx rkalff rekswoxbrf tddc rakidng rksasofc flsifcba fidbad ogbvm sehns fkgjb difbs godb sjsl gfkisolwjebf 42qsuoeda wefifgios slalskfj ewjalxdb fmaldo fn wsmc dko ejsgrt kdxoa dloeht aosnvja fukfa ccuj fvkn du duw 13r wrfoda f q wsdijbvk fcsjbf usvm_

_In coclusion I leik his butt. I like to squeeze his butt. I like when wr stay @ home nd he only wears boxers whne hed idnt do laundry bc I get to squeexe xuxi butt .. I also like to buy bigger clothes so he cn wer my clothes whem he sleepppover nd whn we cudlle and he lets me squuze his butt and when we makeout_

_Xuxi is also good kisser. I think imsleepy andxorny_

_Xuxi hornhy_

_I also like when we squuexe my butt bc his hands are big_

_Love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi love u xuxi._

_Sources:_

_Google.com_

_Instagram.com_

_Twitter.com_

_\--_

Renjun was just about to hide from the world and never to be seen again. He retreats back to his room, laptop in hand, after enduring being teased by his friends all throughout their breakfast.

_Those bitches._

He had half the mind to poison their food for lunch, but eventually decided against it as he can’t afford the whole rent if his friend dies. Still, he imagined them being poisoned, asking for his help as he watches in satisfaction while the three take desperate breath for air and—

Let’s stop there.

He’s not much of a violent person, maybe it’s just the alcohol talking, so instead, he wallows in self-pity, thinking about that poor excuse of an essay.

Because sending it to his boyfriend is one thing, but sending it to his boyfriend’s brother might as well be the cause of his death.

Suddenly, his phone pings, and there’s an email notification. Thinking that it must be from a professor or something, he opens his laptop and logs in, only to find his boyfriend's name at the top

_**Subject: Re. I love XUxi butt essay** _

_Junnie, I read your essay, and I think it’s cute. We may have to work on your gibberish words though, you can’t do that just to get to the word count. Also, please observe proper punctuation marks, proper spelling, and subject-verb agreement, among others._

_Kidding, love!_

_I’ll drop by later and we’ll go out on a date, and I’ll be sure to wear my tightest jeans to accentuate my butt. ;-)_

_ps.Hendery thinks your sources aren’t credible bc according to him, you quoted something he never said, but I think he thinks my ass is bomb as well._

Dying can wait, Renjun decides. He still has a date to go to, with the boyfriend with the squishiest butt of all.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are always welcome and well-appreciated ^_^
> 
> hit me up on [twitter](https://twitter.com/calamari520)  
> and [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/maricalamari)
> 
> DO NOT PLAGIARIZE AND/OR REPOST ANYWHERE


End file.
